Parts is Parts

Had my pre-op thing yesterday with Doc Kahw (not sure if I spelled his name right).

Not much new to report - it will be a Radical Nephrectomy which is the removal of my entire right kidney and adrenal gland and possibly some surrounding tissue or lymph nods, depending on what they see once they open me up. April 14, Kaiser hospital (At Zion & Mission Gorge) at around 6pm. The surgery will last 3 - 4 hours and another hour or so in recovery.

One fun and exciting new development is that, apparently because I have an extra large rib cage, they will also be removing one, possibly two of my ribs to gain the access they need.

Honestly, this bothers me as much as anything. The thought of them removing large parts of me and tossing them into the dipsy-dumpster makes my flesh crawl.

***

Yesterday, after we left the hospital, Dianna and I went to Old Town and pigged out on Mexican food. Fuck my diet.. I imagine I'll be dropping more weight from the surgery anyway. Heh, I've done similar several times over the last week or two and have gone from an all-time low of 213 lbs back up to 217 lbs.

Before all this cancer crap, I'd have been horrified.. I've done so well with my weight loss, but now it doesn't really seem worth fretting about. What the hell, I still weigh 58 lbs less than I did last Nov. anyway.

So anyway, with lunch, I also downed 2 large margaritas.. I got a little buzzed but I actually got myself into a pretty good mood and Dianna and I managed to have a few laughs. That was good.

Then we came home and she found a wrapper of hair dye in the bathroom. We knew right away that Jason's first act of independance after reaching the grand old age of 18 was to dye his hair black again. I'm afraid I sort of lost my good mood then.

Listen, I know its just hair. It doesn't really hurt anything, I suppose.. though I worry about his finding and keeping employment - it looks pretty outlandish to me. But I am a veteran of many arguments over my long hair with my father.. You'd think I'd be more tolerant.

But when I saw him, a natural blonde, with his black/purple hair, I lost it. I yelled at him, "Nice fucking job, you look like a goddamm idiot!". He got back in the car and drove away without a word. I feel really bad about the whole thing. I am still unhappy with his doing it but I definately over reacted (as I often do). Anyway, I finally got him to call me back on his cell and we sort of made up... but I still feel crappy about the whole episode.

The most important thing in the world to me right now is that my family knows that I love them without reservation... no matter what.