My 18 year old son has taken up smoking and its making me sick and furious. I felt like kicking his skinny butt up and down the street but realize that he needs to decide on his own. Perhaps when he sees me laying in the surgery recovery room next week, he'll get a clue. I've yelled, I've lectured, I've pleaded with him..

Its up to him now.

Wanna know whats REALLY messed up? Even after all I've been through, I'm still smoking a few cigs per day. The double whammy of my anxiety over my illness and nicotine withdrawal (which feels something like a mild panic attack to me, even before all this) proved to be more than I can deal with right now.

Next week, I'll be in a position (read: hospital) where I'll absolutely not be able to smoke for at least a week or more so hopefully, that will do the trick. Failure is not an option.

I feel like, if I end up hobbling down to the corner market for cigs as soon as I am mobile after my surgery, I may as well just put a gun to my head right now. (I'm not serious.. I'd never do that but you get the idea..)

If you smoke, quit NOWGood luck, you can do it!

...more later...