"People with brain metastases eventually succumb to them..."

So says the esteemed Dr. Nostradamus. Dead man walking, in other words.

I don't know if he's right... he's the brain surgeon, after all, not me. But I don't feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm getting better in many ways. I know that stage 4 kidney cancer is not going to just go away but I also know that some people outlive their dire prognosis by many years.

Brain Salad Surgery

So I woke up this morning at 3 AM with headache that was beyond belief. No, it didn't quite rise to the level of the headaches I had when they found the brain tumor but it was of epic proportions just the same.

Thank god for my friend, Mr. Percoset. I don't want to think about what it will be like when I run out of those.

More later...

Ok, now that that's done, we can talk.

First, a warning to anyone reading this - I don't plan to hold back much of anything. Some of what you read here may be upsetting in various ways, especially to any of you that are family members or loved ones.

If this concernes you, you may want to move on.. I post in several other places such as the kidney-onc List if you want to read my ramblings....

Otherwise, come on in....

My brain is fucked up. I can process out ok but input is hosed. I am facing trouble with reading and comprehension.. I am not only partially blind but have some confusion as well.

My thought process seems mostly ok aside from the occasional hiccup but please be patient with my spelling and logic.

What I've typed so far in this post. for example, has taken me about 20 minutes so far. Like I said, I'm all fucked up.

I don't know if my vision problems are permenant but it's starting to look that way. Time will tell.

Some that know me would be amused to know that one of the most distressing parts of this whole thing is that my computer gaming days may be at an end.

This with Vanguard having just released. (it's like World of Warcraft if you need a reference) All this and I'm crying cause I can barely play the video game I just bought.

If you spent as much cash as I have on computer hardware, you might cry too.

I'm needing a break now.. Will try to write more later.

Hello..

You may start hearing from me more now.. there is certainly plenty to talk about.

To start us off and to save time, I will simply paste from a "List" post which should serve to get us updated on the situation...


--snip--

Anyway, I got some more info today...

The tumor was, as expected, single Clear Cell met to the brain (the left occipital lobe), completely ressected.

I still have a 1cm and 1.8CM met one in each lung, growing but slowly. I had been in the process to scheduling the removal of the lung mets when the brain met was discovered and pretty much killed that idea..

Once treatment decisions have been reached for the brain, I will enter treament for the lung mets, most likely HDIL2.

I think that about covers it. I am not keen on WBR but have not ruled it out.

He also mentioned some sort of partial or targeted radiation but kept complaining that this went against "standards of treatment" and wold not recommend it.

He also said we could simply do nothing and see what pops up and deal with it as needed but was even more against this option. This option also scares my wife too much and will probably not be used.

We are seeing Dr. Gailani at Riverside Kaiser as well but I believe he is sort of staying out of the debate as far as my poor old brain is concerned but will be handling the parts of my treatments that are not part of radiology but I may be confused on this part.

Lastly, (and perhaps most importantly)we've decided to see Dr. Figlin at City of Hope for at least a single consult and 2nd opinion. We will attempt to make Kaiser eat this but will pay out of pocket if we must.

--snip--