Can't get high...

"Violent romantic
On a seven day binge
Losin' a gamble
But I get my revenge
Start thinking about thunder
And I get mad again
Soaking up electricity
Like bourbon and gin

Now that you're gone
I'm sober every night
I can't get high - no -
I can't get right"

~ Widespread Panic

Coffee shop day...

I think I've finally turned the corner as far as this week's steroid dose reduction.. Now down to just 1mg. am and 1 mg. pm. This was a difficult one. I began getting terrible headaches Sunday morning and had to resort to visiting good old Mr. Oxycodone. But it was a little better each day and today I'm feeling almost normal and havn't had to take any dope. (The oxy makes me feel great, even if it doesn't alwats kill the headache completely but I really don't need to develop a habit with the stuff so I try and use it sparingly..)

So it looks like I'll be going with my buddy to see Widespread Panic on the 1st. We should be able to get handicap parking and hopefully seating as well.. (I still can't walk or even stand for long periods of time). So hopefully I'll feel well enough to enjoy the music.. though it still feels odd to me to go see a show completely sober - I don't dare drink anything these days...

But I've been stuck at home so much these last few months, I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope it's not a drag for my friend having to hobble along with the sick guy..

...and I'm out!

"Consideration for your fellow man
Would not hurt anybody, it sure fits in with my plan
Over the border, there lies the promised land
Where everything comes easy, you just hold out your hand

"Keep your suspicions, I've seen that look before
But I ain't done nothing wrong now, is that such a suprise
But I've got a sister who'd be willing to oblige
She will do anything now to help me get to the outside

So don't tell anybody what I wanna do
If they find out you know that they'll never let me through, because

It's no fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's no fun being an illegal alien, and it's getting me down
It's no fun being an illegal alien, no no no no no
It's no fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah"
~ Genisis

I found me a new coffee shop with free WIFI access. Iit like this one so far - it's easy to get to from where I drop Dianna off at work and seems friendly. Iy's in Kensington off Adams Ave. near to where Dianna and I lived when Jason was born.

I do prefer it to the library because they have good coffee, a better atmosphere and are open early (Library doesn't open till 10.

Not much to say today but I promised myself to post *something* every day that I am able.

I continue to feel slightly better each passing day.. not dramatically so but noticeable. This is good news.

I keep seeing signs, bumper stickers and t-shirts that say things like "Human Beings are not Illegal", "Being Mexican is not a crime" and so on.

I couldn't agree more but have to add that what IS illegal is sneaking to the U.S. illegally. Why is that so hard for so many people to understand?

All people are welcome in this country, it's what we're supposed to be all about, right? Color, race and religion make zero difference as long as they're not criminals or whatever.

So name me one single other country that allows people to come at will to live in their country and live with no proof of who they are or need to pay taxes and so on. As far as I know, there isn't one, including Mexico itself.

Yet Americans are seen as evil racicts for not just allowing everyone to come and go as they please.

It ticks me off and there is nothing racict about it. I'd feel the same about white skinned Canadians if they were coming over in similar numbers.

/rant off

For your amusement...

"I looked in the mirror today
My eyes just didn't seem so bright
I've lost a few more hairs
I think I'm going bald

I think I'm going bald

Seems like only yesterday
We would sit and talk of dreams all night
Dreams of youth
And simple truths
Now we're so involved
So involved with life

Walk down vanity fair
Memory lane everywhere
Wall Street shuffles there
Dressed in flowing hair

Once we loved the flowers
Now we ask the price of the land
Once we would take water
But now it must be wine
Now we've been
And now we've seen
What price peace of mind

Take a piece of my mind

My life is slipping away
I'm aging every day
But even when I'm grey
I'll still be grey my way"
~ Peart

As promised....



That's one handsome, blue-eyed devil, hmmmm?

Still alive & Well... (every now and then I know it's kinda hard to tell...)

Well, I haven't posted here in a while and I imagine that the legions of adoring Wild Ride readers are clammoring mightily by now... (cough) [sound of crickets]

Today is my last day of Whole Brain Radiation Therapy (WBRT). I hope it has done me some good but have to admit that I don't have a lot of confidence in it. Most literature I've been able to dig up seems to suggest that it (WBRT) is just no good at wiping out "radioresistant" tumors such as Renal Cell Carcinoma.

Still, if it buys me some time and quality of life then I guess it'll have been worth it.

I am starting to get a little uncomfortable about the following weeks as I understand that the cumulative effects build over weeks and months and that it's likely to get worse before it gets better. But we'll see. I still feel fairly decent for now though I'm weaker than a geriatric lamb these last few days.

Lets see.. lots of other stuff going on around here.

My brother is flying in from Baltimore today with our 17 y/o nephew whom has been staying with them in DC while his father was in jail for assaulting the boy's mother - my sister - who was recently admitted to a full-time nursing care facility, probably permanently due to severe diabetes, spinal meningitis and a whole host of other dire health issues both mental and physical, some self-inflicted and some just plain shitty luck. She is 9 years my senior.

My bother, 10 years my senior, has just recovered from a quadruple bypass accompanied by a few scary days from complications - revisits to the hospital due to infection. But he seems to have come through it all in fairly good shape.. Oh and his younger daughter is getting married in a few months so I sure hope everyone can remain healthy long enough to attend, including myself. The wedding will be on the east coast so I'm not sure if I'll be up to it by then or not but I am hoping, even though I barely know her, sadly.

The father of my sister's son, my nephew, was arrested for assault I believe on the same night that I went to the hospital for that initial brain tumor/hemorrhage. No one mentioned it to me till a week or so after. I guess they figured I had enough on my mind as it was.

Turns out that this normally quiet, timid man got drunk, freaked out and tried to stab my invalid sister. The charges were eventually reduced from attempted murder to assault. He's still in the clink as I type this and there's a whole lot more to that story but no need to go into it here...

My father is losing his eyesight to macular degeneration and suffering severe depression for which he flat refuses any sort of treatment for and my mother seems to be slipping into early stage alzheimer's and hearing loss.

Sometimes it feels like our entire family is going to hell in a bucket.

But I know many out there have it as bad or worse so I keep my head up for the most part. But some days.....

I don't usually talk about my family much here and I'm not sure why I did today.. it was just on my mind I guess.

See you next time..

Rock and Roll ain't noise pollution...

"If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung
Would you hear my voice come through the music
Would you hold it near as it were your own?

It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken
Perhaps they're better left unsung
I don't know, don't really care
Let there be songs to fill the air"
~ Hunter

I love rock lyrics, don't you?

Sure, a lot of it is crap and doggerel but there's plenty of good stuff too and maybe it's because I've spent my life listening to rock music, I can (and do) find some song quote to go with nearly any situation.

It's sort of like a reflex with me.. I hear people say things, read a line from a page in a book or have a certain thought and songs are launched in the radio that I carry in my head.

It might be an Alice Cooper song from 1972 or Phish from 1998 or even some annoying commercial jingle from 2007 - I guess what I'm trying t say is, I am and always have been deeply moved and motivated by music of all kinds.. though I will always be a rocker first and foremost.

Music heals me, soothes me and calms me. I can even be calmed, under the right circumstances, by something like a really noisy, hammering speed metal song - "Master of Puppets" by Metallica, maybe though I usualy gravitate to mellower stuff these days.

Sometimes I think everything will be ok as long as I never lose my music....