"And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
~ Talking Heads

And I ask myself, how did I get here? Oh, I understand it well enough - the paths I took, the choices I made.

I often wish I could write it all down, just for the record or, who knows? Maybe it would help someone. Maybe someone important.

Maybe not.

One day I might even have even been able to do it, to write it all down. I used to dream of being a writer, you know. I even began trying several times over the years with varying success but like so much else in my life, it mostly ended up as, to quote Mr. Pink Floyd, "..plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines...".

So how did I get here? Maybe I had a little help - a push here, a tug there. But essentially, I brought myself here. There is no one to blame.

I have regrets, I have shame, I have lessons ignored or missed entirely.

Never fear, it's not ALL bad news. I also had my glories, my joys and plenty of good times.

Wanna know the one thing I would say that was my biggest mistake though?

Here it is: I spent, perhaps the first 3/4 of my life under the mistaken belief that nothing mattered.

Nothing. Nothing I did, nothing I said, nothing I believed... none of it.

Boy was I wrong.

I'll try to explain it better here later if I can but if you ever find yourself thinking that nothing really matters, please disabuse yourself of the notion right away and it may save you a whole lot of trouble.

Everything matters.

Everything.

Oh and by the way...

R.I.P. Kurt Vonnegut (So it goes...)